Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The wonderful thing about Janeys and Allies...

Every kid does funny things. And every parent think their kids are hilarious. Mine are no different, so please forgive me for regaling you with a few of the most recent ones.

1) As a parent, there are certain nights when you KNOW that bedtime is going to be a battle. And it's on nights like these where you do everything and anything you can to keep emotions in check and just get them in bed before the floodgates burst. Well, on one such night a few weeks ago, I was unsuccessful and Jane started to completely and totally melt down. After going through my list of coping mechanisms (including begging, bribing, pleading, threatening, and holding my breath) Jane still refused to see reason. (Note: the fact that I am still surprised that, periodically, a 3 year-old female refuses to see reason is in and of itself a sign of my mental and emotional state) As a result, I put her to bed with no books and no songs. Jane is a creature of habit and rituals, and any variation thereupon is akin to canceling bingo night at the retirement home, in that you're likely to be pelted by walkers, dentures, and adult diapers for any change in schedule. (And don't how Jane has access to dentures or adult diapers... it's a long story)

Anyway, she was not pleased with this decision, and sat in her bed and alternated screaming and pouting for the next 30 minutes. Eventually, Em went in and compromised with her and did all of the responsible parenting things while I was hunched over in the hallway rocking back and forth while muttering under my breath. Seriously if my kids make it through grade school without psychotherapy it will be a minor miracle.

The next morning, Jane came into our room and just kind of stood in front of me, waiting for me to do something. I told her hi, and then she said "Dad, I'm sorry I was grumpy last night." I said "It's ok, Jane, I'm glad that you're happy now." She then replied "Yeah, I was grumpy, but you were ridiculous." How exactly do you respond to that? Especially when she's probably right??

2) We were having dinner with Em's family a while ago, and Jane was spending more time entertaining her cousins by doing various inappropriate things than by eating, so I did the "Here are the 3 pieces of food you have to eat so you don't keel over and die from malnutrition" thing with her dinner. I got her to try a bite of something and I said "There, see? Is that good or what?" to which she innocently replied "That's what, Dad."

3) Allie, on the other hand, is convinced that she is going to be the next American Idol. She and Jane play this game where they stand up on the coffee table, sing and dance, then say "Ta Da!" and take a bow. This typically goes on for hours (or until someone falls off the table and cracks their head, but the show must go on!). Well, Allie has taken to practicing in her crib. At night. Instead of sleeping. So a good hour after you put her in her barb-wire enclosed domed prison (aka crib) you can stand outside her door and hear her singing, followed by a "Ta da!" and then a "Day doo, day doo" (translation: Thank you, thank you) which is in all likelihood accompanied by bowing.

4) Allie has also pretty much eschewed words and instead has jumped right in on sentences. My current favorites are "Ooooh, day doo so much!" and "Oh nooo, binkie where are you?".

5) The other night I was putting Jane to bed and she told me the names of her fingers. It was actually this matter-of-fact, as if everyone has names for each of their fingers. They were as follows:

The Right Hand

The Left Hand

Ummm... is that normal?

6) Every night after we put Jane to sleep she comes out of her room for a few things. Typically, she'll need to come out and use the potty, and then she comes out to give her deep thought for the night. These are things that she has been thinking about and can't answer for one reason or another. For example, tonight she came out of her room and asked me "Dad, why do shirts sometimes have names on them?" I didn't have a great answer, but I told her something along the lines of "It's because you're wearing clothes that don't belong to you, so I wouldn't tell people that they have names on them because someone might take it away from you." (Keep in mind that I want to be Calvin's dad when I grow up.)

Anyway, she went back to her room, likely infinitely more confused than normal. Then, 5 minutes later, she came back out and had this mischievous grin on her face, like she knows she's about to be funny and can hardly stand it. She comes up to me, gives me a big hug, and says "Happy Easter dad" and starts giggling uncontrollably. She's been wishing us both happy Easter for a good 2 weeks now and, for some reason, the joke keeps on getting funnier.

7) And finally, the other night as we were having a tickle war, Jane said to me in her silly voice, "Dad, you smell like poo!" (What is about turning 3 and all the sudden potty words are funny?) I explained to her that we never say that to people..it isn't kind or polite. She then started playing again and a few minutes later asked: "Is it okay if I tell you that you smell like shirt?" Um....sure, Janey. Just don't forget the "r", okay?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Anyone want to buy a house?

'Cause ours is officially up for sale. Yessiree folks, step right up and take a look at our fine home. It slices, it dices, it can...leap whole buildings in a single bound...and it can be yours for only 3 easy installments of $39.99. If you act today, we will throw in a free, all-natural wild bird that will live on your front door.

No, really.

We really are selling our house and we really do have a bird living on our front door.
See for yourself:

It's a robin's nest. It wasn't there yesterday buy yet here it is today. Talk about your speedy construction. I am most impressed. I have spent the afternoon trying to convince them to rethink their locale...., instability of the foundation, noisy neighbors...not to mention doorbells, and the likelyhood of strange swaying sensations felt quite frequently. They're not really listening to me. This means I might have to take things into my own hands and relocate them myself. This is when I really wish I wasn't moving or currently showing our house. If I wasn't, I would just lock the door and keep it shut until the robins had had their little family and moved on. I HATE the thought of having to disturb this happy little home. Luckily, there aren't any eggs in it yet.

So, with or without the bird, if you have anyone interested in buying a house, tell them to buy ours. PLEASE!! It is the biggest pain in the keister to keep this place sparkling clean day after day..and be ready to show the house at a moment's notice. (By the way, I used the word keister in front of Jane the other day and she asked what it meant. I told her it meant her behind and she won't believe me. She told me I was lying and there is only one name for a bum "and that is BUM! B.....M....M!!" This discussion went on for 20 minutes. Can anyone back me up here?)

Anyway, for all you who have sold a house, I have all new respect for you - now I know how much work it is. But we're ready for a change and it's a great time to buy a house if you can sell your own. Wish us luck!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Happy Belated Easter

After a weekend filled with Easter egg dying, birthday parties, Easter cookie decorating, egg hunts and much feasting, Jane threw herself most dramatically across her bed on Sunday night and exclaimed "Mom, I am totally GUZZ-ZHAUSTED!!" Amen, sister. But it sure was hecka fun. Happy Easter everyone.

Dying Easter eggs with cousins.

Obligatory Easter dress pictures

No, that is not our house in the background. We like to take pictures in front of random houses....don't you?

Jane happy to be done with photo session

Allie in escape mode. Getting pictures of Allie takes a crew of many people.