Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Dreaded Thud

It's a sound every mother dreads. You've just put your toddler down for a nap and your 3 year old is contently watching Alice in Wonderland for the forty-millionth time, and you are happily in the kitchen with the laptop, pandering away precious quiet time reading up on why MSN says you are not trendy because you don't know that "belt loops and roomy pleats" on knit dresses "bring a fun, unexpected cool to a flared skirt." Dang it. Now you are neither fun nor unexpectedly cool. Just the average expected cool. Suddenly you hear a dull thud. You sit for a second, waiting for the cry which must be surely coming from the toddler's room, nervous about head injury. But then, there is no cry. Wait for it....wait for it...and then, the door opens and you hear the pattering of little feet. Your stomach drops. No...No...NO! She's learned how to get out of her crib!!! Serious panic. Suddenly she is staring you in the face. You sit, stunned. You resist the urge to cry as you realize what this means....the end of your sanity.

Yes, folks. That was me a couple days ago. I am now in an all out war with Allie to get her to stay in her crib and sleep. I am not ready to give up naptime. I am not ready to fight through bedtime. Hear that, Allie? I am NOT READY!! So it is now almost 11pm and I am venting. I have talked to all sorts of people trying to figure out what to do. Tonight I tried my friend's suggestion, who got her idea off of Super Nanny (which I haven't ever watched but now I'm thinking I should...) who said to just put her back in her crib every time she launched herself out. Don't talk to her, don't really acknowledge her, just put her back in her crib and close the door. It sounded good at the time. It actually worked at naptime. I only had to put her back in her bed 6 times.

Tonight? We did battle. Serious battle. It was a face-off. Like Hulk Hogan meets....a prize fighting Oompa Loompa (cause I'm big...and have long blond hair...and she's short and has many Oompa Loompa-like attributes...especially when covered with spagetti sauce..the resemblance is uncanny).

Guess how many times I put her back in her crib before I started calling my life-lines? Just guess. Nope, more. Nope, more. Actually, I don't really know, I stopped counting at 34. No joke. Thirty-four freaking times! AAAAAHHHHHH! Finally, Jevan comes home from a church meeting and puts in another few minutes on the battlefront. But this time, the Oompa Loompa was up against...Sasquatch. And he won. I think it was the combination of him getting really mad and scaring the pants off her, and she being really tired as it was now after 10pm. He says it's because she knows he's "alpha." Apparently, in our family we like to play Call of the Wild.

Honestly, what do I do? She is too little to go without naps and to play these games at night. She needs sleep. Time for a toddler bed or train her to stay in crib...can that be done? Honestly. Who voted me in as "Mom"? I'm not any good at this. I call for impeachment...of myself. There's some change I can believe in.

8 comments:

Jevan said...

First off - I resent being called a Sasquatch. Not cool. I feel like one of the Cavemen from the Geico commercials. Look, just because I'm tall, moderately jubate (look it up - it means hairy but sounds cooler), and often smell of the forest does not make me a Sasquatch. Hrmph!

Second, I am Alpha. And Gamma. I'm not quite Omega yet.

Third, Allie just woke up and went thud. Now she's lying down and crying out of the gap between the door and the carpet. Apparently I'm actually just Beta.

Fourth, I "voted" for you as Mom. You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...

Megan said...

Haha - I heard "The Thud" from Owen just last week! SuperNanny never worked for me - we battled Anna at least an hour or two each night before giving up after a few months and laying down with her 10 minutes until she fell asleep. She still prefers we lay down with her, but we usually don't and she's fine. I mean, she's not going to ask us when she's 14.

The first day after "The Thud" Owen didn't nap at all. The first night Josh laid down with him until he fell asleep. Now he cries a bit when we leave but still crawls back into bed and sleeps on his own.

Anonymous said...

Okay, you and Jevan are hilarious. I needed a good laugh. Sorry to laugh at your expense. I am sorry that Allie figured out the old crib escape trick.

Our sleep rules have come from the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It's been amazing with training our kids to sleep. But I will warn you, it is painful to read -- it's long and extremely detailed. So if you want the Cliff's NOtes version, give me a call. I'd love to help you out. One of the suggestions in the book is to do exactly what Supernanny says, so you're on the right track. Just don't give up. Eventually, the crib escape trick will lose it's luster after a while. Just stay strong. And use Sasquatch when you can. :)

Windybrook Spinner said...

That's one great/traumatizing thing about kids--you finally get a schedule worked out and BAM! they've changed and you have to readjust everything. You'll figure it out. Just remember that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

Diane McAffee said...

You don't even want to hear this, but the stubborn, granite core of bedtime obnoxiousness running through your little Oompa Lompa (I saw her with a spaghetti face just this week) is genetic. 'Tis true. Her 'bruuuzer' of a dad WOULD NOT stay in bed. After finding him on the kitchen sideboard holding a butcher knife with the gas stove turned on I became The Bad Mother.

I tied a small length of rope to one back corner of the crib, gave him about 18 inches (not enough to get around his neck)and tied the other end to his foot (I left a finger width so he would not wake up with 'foot wither' which is an extremely scientific term). Not pleasant for a night, but he couldn't get out and soon, whenever I put him in his crib he would stick his foot in the air for me to tie him up.

Eventually we moved him into a bigger bed but he still held his foot up so I tucked the other end of the rope under the mattress. I will always remember him walking out of the room with this expression of wonderment when he finally figured out he wasn't tethered to anything.

Jevan, I will give you all the quarters I have stashed in your counseling jar - I have a few - for you to use at any time.

Crystal Ashton said...

I think that your friend Kaylyn and I are best friends who have never met before (Hi BFF) because I also am a firm believer in the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It should also say, "Happy Child, Happy Parents". Love that book. Although, it doesn't contain a chapter about how to get your kids to bed on Halloween after they have been pumped full of sugar. I mean, even the 6 month old is still awake. As far as I know she had no candy...

Anyway, if THE book doesn't help. Just embrace her new independence. Time for a toddler bed and childproof doorknob locker safety things. Then, once she figures out that she can just pry those apart and open the door, use a belt. Not on the child- wrap the buckle end tightly around the doorknob and then shut the other end in an adjacent door so that when said child attempts to open it, they are locked in. Stay tuned to my blog later tonight for a picture. I am sure I will have to implement "the belt" to get my 3 year old to stay in her room and go to sleep on this All Hallows Eve.

Unknown said...

yes, I second (or third, at this point) the one and only bible of sleep books: H.S.H., H.C. and also, I'm pretty sure Dave and Maris used a crib tent on Noah so he couldn't climb out. and...I'm not above bribing, uh...rewarding my kids when they DO stay in bed until morning and follow the other sleep rules (see H.S.H., H.C.) good luck. in the meantime, keep the blogs coming. they're good for the mother's soul.

Anonymous said...

Three things: First, the pictures of your kids on your homepage are precious. Second, Bart and I are rolling on the floor in histerics picturing Jevan holding up his foot for bedtime confinement. That explains a lot -- and I love his mom! Too hilarious. Third, I would love a new BFF!